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The New Epicurean

The Delights of Sex (1)

Erotic novel (chapter 1: To Lesbia)


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Edward Sellon, The New Epicurean or The Delights of Sex, Facetiously and Philosophically Considered, in Graphic Letters Addressed to Young Ladies of Quality, London, 1740 [1865].


The New Epicurean
or The Delights of Sex

To Lesbia

You ask me, most charming Lesbia, to relieve the ennui which your too venerable and too watchful lord causes you to suffer, with his officious attentions, by a recital of some of those scenes which are not visible to the uninitiated; and I, having always been your slave, hasten to obey.

You must know then, chère petite, that I have certain convenient ladies in my pay, whom I call pointers, forasmuch as they put up the game.

Last Thursday as I lay stretched on a sofa absorbed in that most charming of Diderot’s works La Religieuse, the silver bell which communicates with the southern gate gave tongue and roused me from my lethargy. I sprang to my feet and wending my way through that avenue of chestnut trees, which you and I, Lesbia, know so well, made direct for the gate. Here the well−known chariot met my eye, and it only required a glance at the smart coachman to show me that Jehu was none other than Madame R herself; and a devilish handsome groom she made, I can assure you.

An almost imperceptible raising of the eyebrows and a gesture with her whip handle towards the interior of the carriage told me all I wanted to know; so first looking up and down the road to see that we were not observed, I whispered, ’ten o’clock’ and then opened the door. ’Come my little darlings,’ said I to two delicious young creatures, who, coquettishly dressed with the most charming little hats in the world and full petticoats that barely reached their rose coloured garters, sprang, nothing loth, into my arms. The next minute we were all three standing in the garden, the door was locked, and the chariot had driven off. The elder of my little pets was a blooming blonde, with soft brown hair that shone like gold, melting eyes of the loveliest blue, and cheeks tinted with the softest blush of the rose; a pert little nose slightly retrousse, carmine lips, and teeth like pearls completed a most delicious face. She was, she said, just thirteen years old. Her companion, a sparkling brunette with dark eyes, raven hair, and a colour that vied with the damask rose, was about twelve. They were charming children, and when I tell you that their limbs were moulded in the most perfect symmetry and that their manners were cultivated, elegant, and gay, I think you will agree with me that Madame R had catered well.

’Now my little loves,’ said I, giving each a kiss, ’what shall we do first; are you hungry, will you eat?’

This proposal seemed to give great satisfaction, so taking each by the hand I led them to my room; and patties, strawberries and cream, apricots, and champagne disappeared with incredible rapidity. While they were eating, I was exploring; now patting the firm dimpled peach−like bottom of the pretty brunette, now inserting a finger into the pouting hairless cleft of the lovely blonde. The latter was called Blanche and the former Cerise. I was beside myself with rapture, and turning first to one and then to the other, covered them with kisses. The collation finished at last, we all went into the grounds, and having walked them round and shown them everything curious, not forgetting the statue of that most impudent god Priapus, at whose grotesque appearance, with his great prick sticking out, they laughed heartily, I proposed to give them a swing. Of course in putting them in I took care that their lovely little posteriors should bulge out beyond the velvet seat, and as their clothes were short, every time they swung high in the air I had a full expansive view of those white globes, and the tempting rose coloured slits that pouted between them; then, oh! the dear little feet, the fucktious shoes, the racy delectable legs; nothing could be finer. But the sight was too tantalising. We were all heated; I with the exertion of swinging them, they with the wine, so they readily agreed to my proposal to proceed to a retired spot, where was a little lake lined with marble, not more than four feet deep. We were soon naked and sporting in the water; then only was it that I could take in all their loveliness at a glance. The budding small pointed breasts, just beginning to grow; the polished ivory shoulders, the exquisite fall in the back, the tiny waist, the bulging voluptuous hips, the dimpled bottoms, blushing and fresh, the plump thighs and smooth white bellies. In a moment my truncheon stood up hard and firm as a constable’s staff. I put it in their hands, I frigged and kissed their fragrant cunnies, I gamahuched them, and then the saucy Cerise, taking my ruby−tipped ferrule in her little rosy mouth, began rolling her tongue round it in such a way that I nearly fainted with bliss. At that moment our position was this: I lay stretched on my back on the grass; Blanche sat over me, a leg on either side, with my tongue glued to her rose. Cerise knelt astride of me also, with her posteriors well jutted out towards me, and one of my fingers was inserted in her rosebud. Nor were the hands of the delicious brunette idle: with her right she played with my balls and with the forefinger of her left hand she exquisitely titillated the regions beneath. But human nature could not stand this long; so changing our position I placed Blanche on her hands and knees while Cerise inserted my arrow, covered with saliva from her mouth, into the pretty Blanche. She was tight, but not a virgin, so after a thrust or two I fairly went in up to the hilt. All this while Cerise was tickling me and rubbing her beautiful body against me. Soon Blanche began to spend, and to sigh out, ’Oh! oh! dear sir, give it me now! Shoot it into me! Ah! I faint! I die!’ and as the warm fluid gushed into her she fell prone on the ground.

When Blanche had a little recovered herself we again plunged into the lake to wash off the dew of love with which we were drenched.

Thus sporting in the water, toying with each other, we whiled away the hours of the afternoon, till tired, at length, we left the lake and dressed ourselves. The sun had long disappeared behind the trees and the shades of evening began to close in. I therefore proposed to adjourn to the villa, where for some time I amused my little friends with bawdy books and prints. But you are not to suppose that my hands were idle, one being under the clothes of each.

Cerise had thrust her hand into my breeches and was manipulating with great industry, which amused me very much; but I soon found out the reason, for presently she said, pouting out her pretty mouth, ’You like Blanche better than me!’

’I love you both, my angels,’ said I, laughing heartily at the little puss’s jealousy.

’Ah, it’s all very well to laugh,’ cried Cerise, ’but I don’t see why I am not to be fucked as well as her!’

’Oh!’ I exclaimed, ’that’s the way the wind blows, is it!’ And drawing the sweet girl to a couch I tossed up her clothes in a moment.

’Quick, quick, Blanche!’ cried Cerise, ’come and gamahuche the gentleman and make his yard measure stiff before he begins, for you know how tight I am at first.’

The little Blanche flung down the book she was looking at, and running up to me placed herself on her knees; then clasping my naked thighs with her milky arms she seized upon the red head of my thyrsus and worked her mouth up and down upon it in the most luscious manner possible. In a few minutes more I could certainly have spent on her tongue had not Cerise, fearful of being baulked, made her leave off. Then guiding the randy prick into her opening rosy little cunny, she began to bound and wriggle and twist until she had worked it well in; then twining her legs around my loins and thrusting her tongue in my mouth she gave way unrestrained to the joys of sensation. I was astonished that so young a creature could be so precocious, but I learnt from Madame R, who had brought her up, that every pain had been taken to excite these passions in this girl since she was seven years of age; first with boys, and subsequently with grown−up persons. Blanche I had thought most delicious, but there was a furore in Cerise’s fucking which carried you away, as it were, out of yourself.

So great was the delight I experienced with this amorous girl, that I held back as long as possible but she bounded about with such energy that she soon brought down another shower of dew, and all was over. I was glad to hide the diminished head of poor Pego in my white silk breeches, and it being now nearly ten o’clock I rang for chocolate, which soon appeared through the trap door, served up in pretty little porcelain cups with ratafia cakes and bonbons, to which the girls did ample justice. The bell having announced Madame R at the gate, we went forth hand in hand, I having first placed in their pockets a bright new guinea apiece.

Arrived at the gate, I gave her ladyship a pocket−book containing twenty pounds, with which she seemed well content.

’Adieu, my dear children,’ said I; ’I hope before long you will pay me another visit.’

’Goodbye, sir,’ cried both the girls in a breath, and the chariot drove off.

Quite tired by this time, I locked the gate, and going round to the front of the villa I knocked and entered, as if I had just come home, retiring soon after to bed to dream over again of the joys of that delightful evening.

View online : The Delights of Sex (chapter 2): To Lais (1)



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