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The New Epicurean

The Delights of Sex (9)

Erotic novel (chapter 9: To Livia)


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Edward Sellon, The New Epicurean or The Delights of Sex, Facetiously and Philosophically Considered, in Graphic Letters Addressed to Young Ladies of Quality, London, 1740 [1865].


To Livia

I find from my excellent friend, Mrs. J, that she has given you an elaborate account of our late doings here, when we emulated the ancients with our Bacchanalian orgies. The finish of that scene was not, I must confess, at all to my taste, and we all suffered more or less the next day for our excess. I have therefore determined not to proceed to such lengths again.

Yesterday, being the breaking up for the holidays at Mrs. J’s, I proposed to her to invite the whole school of twenty−six young ladies. But not to injure the interests of the good lady, I promised that any little amorous fun that took place should be covert and accidental, apparently.

That if any of the innocent ones saw aught that might shock their notions of propriety, it should be so managed that they would never think it was a premeditated affront.

To this end I caused the statues of Priapus to be wreathed with laurel and ivy about the middle. I locked up all the naughty books and pictures, and as it was not intended to proceed to any voluptuous extremities while the young ladies were with us, I introduced on this occasion an excellent band of musicians, who were located in a tent pitched on a spot where they could observe little of the proceedings. From Ranelagh Gardens I brought Jackson, the fireworks man, at an expense of twenty pounds. During the morning he was very busy hanging variegated lamps on both sides of every verdant valley, and the taste he displayed was wonderful. The weather continued delicious, clear and warm, so it promised to be very effective. Meantime a sumptuous refection was prepared. The new and old swing were dusted and got ready, the fountains were set a−playing, and when at three o’clock the young ladies arrived all was in readiness. Lady Cecilia looked charming in a white satin commode and quilted hoop of pink silk; her hair was delicately powdered, and Renaud, that prince of coiffeurs, had coquettishly placed a real rose on one side of her head, which had a vastly pretty effect. As for me I wore my grey riffling coat, a pompadour waistcoat, grey satin breeches and silks, with my best pair of diamond buckles in my shoes. I also, in honour of my company, mounted my gold−hilted sword, mechlin lace ruffles, bag and solitaire.

Upon the arrival of the school we first of all discussed the viands set out on the grass under the shade of a wide−spreading elm. Six and twenty girls sitting on the lawn, you will readily suppose, could not all place themselves so correctly but what I got many a sly peep at legs, thighs, and cunnies I had never seen before; and the best of it was they were not the least aware of it, nor did the knowing ones— Mesdames Marshall, Jennings, Bellew, Augusta and Agnes—venture to give them a hint; so there I sat, eating the wing of a chicken and viewing the secret charms of four or five of the finest girls in the world.

The repast over, we proceeded to walk round the grounds, and when we came to the terminal figure of Priapus, the god of the garden, they all came to a halt; and while they considered him attentively, they asked me to explain all about his worship in ancient times, which I did to their entire satisfaction.

One tall, elegant girl of fourteen, Miss Medley, showed more curiosity than the others, and lingered behind to have a private view of the divinity. I had no doubt she wanted to see what it was the ivy concealed; so after we had got a little further I pretended that I had left my snuff box indoors, and deputing Cecilia to show them everything I stealthily returned and creeping up among the foliage at the back of the statue beheld the ivy removed and Miss Medley, on tiptoe, trying to rub her cunny against the marble Priape. Altering my position, therefore, so that she could see from my waist to my knees, but not my face, which the leaves concealed, I pulled out my own priape, which I handled till it was as big as the rural god’s. She was some time before she saw it, but at length, when she did (supposing it was one of the musicians who was standing behind a tree for a necessary purpose), she re−covered the statue, and placing herself behind it peeped out to see all that she could without being seen. Of course, I shook the staff about and showed it off to the best advantage. She (not knowing I had seen her) displayed no alarm, nothing but intense curiosity, but I saw her right hand disappear under her clothes in a very mysterious manner; and from that moment I knew she was mine. With two strides I was beside her, finger on lip. She looked petrified with terror and shame, but I soon reassured her.

’My dear girl,’ said I, ’this is what you want’ (placing it in her hand), ’not the marble one, which is only to look at. Let me show you what use it is put to, and I promise not to tell Mrs. J anything I have seen.’

’Oh, pray, good sir, what would you do? Consider my honour, my virtue. Ah, my goodness, what will become of me?’

’Why, certainly,’ said I, ’it would not be very pleasant for your mamma to be told how you have acted—to have looked so long at a naked man when by quickly walking away you would scarcely have seen him. Oh, fie, miss.’

’Oh, but, Sir Charles, you will not tell, will you?’

’Certainly not, if you comply with my wishes.’

And I clasped her firm posteriors with one hand and her beautiful glowing cunny with the other.

’But, Sir Charles, will it not hurt very much?’

’Well, it will hurt a little at first, but the pleasure will soon drown the pain.’

She was silent, but I felt her hand tremble as she squeezed my great prick between her white, tapering fingers.

That was enough, so lifting her in my arms I bore her to a little grove in which was a tool house never visited by anybody but the gardeners, and here putting a bundle of matting on a turned over wheelbarrow, I deposited the fair girl and was soon driving away at her maidenhead.

She bit her lip with the pain but did not cry out, which I considered a good omen; so caressingly slapping her thighs and handling her breasts and buttocks, I soon found a sensible moisture in that luscious part into which I was forcing my way—the darling girl was spending. Soon she gave tongue in delirious ejaculation: ’Ah! where am I? Oh! how nice it is. Ah—oh—bl—bliss! Ah, oh, ur—r—r—r!’

And grinding her teeth, she nearly squeezed the breath out of me, hugging me with her arms and entwining her thighs around my loins with a tiger−like strength that nearly broke my back.

This girl, who had large open blue eyes and a confident bold air, had evidently found what she had long required, only she did not know it, and that was a good stiff cock. And having found it, she had a good mind to keep it, for my crisis having come and desiring to withdraw, she would by no means let me, but planted her touches so wantonly and with such good effect that positively (a rare thing at my time of life) I got a second erection within ten minutes of the departure of the first.

She now grew quite bold and whispered to me not to let it come so soon.

It consequently happened that we lingered half an hour in that delightful spot.

As soon as the beauteous Miss Medley had a little recovered herself, I raised her up and offered her my arm and together went in search of her companions.

’Well?’ said I, ’you find the real surpasses the beau ideal?

’Not the same thing at all,’ she whispered, pressing my arm.

’What pains me is the reflection that just as I have won, I am to lose you. You go home tomorrow, do you not?’

’Yes, that is so,’ she said; then hesitating a little, she added, ’but if you really desire it, that need not prevent your seeing me, as I live no further off than Richmond, and there are numerous lovely secluded spots where we could meet.’

I stopped involuntarily with surprise, then catching her up in my arms I covered her with kisses, exclaiming, ’Why, my angel, this is more than my fondest hopes could have suggested. Do you really mean what you say? Or, come now, acknowledge that you are laughing at me.’

’I, not the least in the world.’

’Then you really mean what you say.’

Ma foi, yes; I find you a gallant man.’

I took off my hat and made a lower bow to Miss Medley than I ever made to a little miss before.

Then we pursued our conversation and she gave me full directions where I was to meet her, on what days, and at what hour. By the time she had finished we found ourselves in the midst of the merrymakers. ’Why, goodness gracious,’ cried a dozen voices at once, ’where have you two been all this while? We had quite lost you both.’

Poor Miss Medley blushed, but I came to the rescue, quickly saying, ’You know, I went indoors for my snuff box; in returning I made a detour through the maze to see if the lamps had been hung to my mind and found Miss Medley, who had quite lost herself in its intricate winding and shouted to me to show her the way out, which after some time I was able to do, and here we are.’

This explanation satisfied the majority, but I saw the Misses Marshall and Jennings exchange a meaning look, which I had no difficulty in reading, but of course took no notice.

We had interrupted a capital game at hide−and−seek, which was now continued. It being Miss Jennings’ turn to hide, away she tripped into the wood, but as she passed me she managed to squeeze a little crumpled billet, written in pencil, into my hand. As soon therefore as we heard ’whoop’, away we ran in every direction, and finding myself alone I seized the opportunity of reading it.

It was of a brevity perfectly Spartan: ’The tool house.’

To the tool house I therefore proceeded as fast as possible, taking care none of the huntresses should see which way I took and pondering all the way on those two words. Had it been Miss Marshall, all would have been clear enough, but what did the little Jennings know about the tool house? In the midst of my cogitations I saw it before me. With a hasty glance to see that no one had followed me, I sprang over the threshold and shot the bolt behind me, and at that moment was clasped in the arms of the amorous girl.

’Oh, dear Sir Charles,’ she exclaimed, ’this is kind of you, but you did awaken my passions, you know, and having aroused them, you will love me a little, will you not?’

’My darling girl,’ I cried, kneeling at her feet and sliding my hands under her clothes, grasping her naked thighs, ’can you doubt it?’

’Well, yes, dear Sir Charles, I did doubt, for you are such a roue and such a votary to promiscuous love that I feared you might overlook poor little me, and now that bold Miss Medley with her great blue eyes has ensnared you—for you don’t suppose your tale of the maze deceived me in the least...’

’Really,’ said I, laughing. ’Oh, you are a terrible rake, Sir Charles.’

’You flatter me,’ I said, with a low bow.

’And then,’ cried the impetuous girl, as her dark eyes flashed, ’I have to contend against the charms of Lady Cecilia, and Phoebe, and little Chloe, and—’

’Stop, stop,’ I exclaimed, ’and halte la! In these precincts sacred to Venus and Priapus the green−eyed monster Jealousy is never allowed to intrude; my love extends to beauty wherever it is to be found, and like the bee I fly from flower to flower and extract the sweets from each; be satisfied then, my precious girl, with your own share, and you will, believe me, have no cause to complain.’

And I imprinted a rapturous kiss on her damask cheek.

’But we are wasting precious moments in words, ma petite, let us proceed to deeds, if you please.’

And suiting the action to the word, I made her kneel upon the gardener’s matting, which still remained on the wheelbarrow as I had left it, and tossing up her clothes exposed her voluptuous white hemispheres.

’Oh, my; good gracious,’ cried the girl, ’is that the way it is done? I thought you would lie on my bosom.’

’There are various methods, my angel,’ said I, beginning to push at the mark, ’and as we become better acquainted I hope to instruct you in the thirty−five positions.’

Juste ciel!’ ejaculated the pretty creature, ’are there so many, then?’

’Oh, yes,’ I rejoined, ’and each more delightful than the other.’

And grasping her round the hips, I began to thrust in good earnest. She buckled to admirably, and merely giving a little ’oh!’ of pain now and then, straddled and aided my entrance all she could, so that in about ten minutes I rode in at a canter, winning the race by a length.

Then, as she felt the swelling head of my stiffening weapon in the innermost depths of her cunny, this enamoured girl gave full vent to her delight. She jutted out her great white bottom, she passed her hand underneath and felt the balls of love; she manipulated me in a thousand ways; she bounded, wriggled, and twisted, sighed and cooed; her breath came short, and murmuring out, ’Ah, sweet bliss! Ah, it is Heaven! Heaven!’ she spent; and my ecstatic movement, by a lucky chance coming at the same time, I sank forward on those white globes in a delirium of joy.

How long we should have lain thus, Venus only knows; but the sound of approaching footsteps roused us from our voluptuous trance. Hastily arranging my dress, I slipped out of the door and hid myself amongst the underwood. I had scarcely concealed myself when a bevy of young girls appeared, shouting out at the top of their voices, ’Miss Jennings, Miss Jennings!’

’Where can she have hid herself?’ cried one.

’I declare,’ said another, ’I am quite hot and tired with looking for her.’
’I should not wonder if she is in this tool house,’ cried another, ’let us see.
And pushing open the door, they led her out, looking very confused and as red as a peony.

’Why, gracious goodness me, Miss Jennings, what could have induced you to choose such a place to hide?’

’Rather say,’ answered the lovely girl, recovering her presence of mind, ’how foolish you all look at having been baffled so long.’

’Well, well, we have found you at last; so come along and let us have a game at hunt−the−slipper; we shall only just have time for one game before the fireworks, for see it is getting quite dark.’ And the laughing girls led her off.

I was preparing to follow, not wishing to lose my share of a game I liked so well, when suddenly I felt a little hand in mine, and turning looked down on the smiling, rosy face of little Chloe.

’What! you here?’ I cried, astonished. ’How’s this?’

’Oh, don’t be angry, your honour,’ said she. ’I followed you and saw all that passed in the tool house through a chink in the door; but I will not tell.’

’Oh, you saucy little pussy,’ I cried, patting her rosy cheek, ’and what do you want of me now?’

’Ah, Sir Charles, that you must guess, you know.’

’Egad,’ said I, ’that I can discern quite well, you funny little thing; but tell me, do you then like to have me, better than young Daphnis. He, so young, so beautiful, so near your own age, I so old compared to yourself. Is this possible?’

’Why, to tell you the truth, Sir Charles, I have a stronger liking for you than for him. He is too pretty by half, too like a girl; besides you taught me all I know of love; you first awakened those feelings; it was your hand first caressed that secret part which now always thrills when I approach you. Oh, Sir Charles, young as I am, I have all a woman’s feelings.’

’Then, my dear little love, you shall have all a woman’s pleasure. Come,’ and I led her into the wood, and lying on my back made her get over me.

’I am rather tired, my love,’ said I, ’so you must do all the work.’

’That I will, and with pleasure, dear Sir Charles; but oh, dear me, you are not stiff, hardly at all; but I will soon remedy that. Let me gamahuche you; and if you like, do you gamahuche me and then we shall soon be ready.’

So saying, she turned round, presenting her lovely little bottom and pressing her young cunny to my lips, my tongue slipped in at once, while she, taking my languid prick in her rosy mouth, so skilfully titillated it that in a very few minutes I was ready for action.

Again, therefore, reversing her attitude, she mounted me and a delightful fuck ensued.

The whole affair did not occupy a quarter of an hour, and this little act in the drama being concluded, we joined the revels.

I will not weary you with a recapitulation of all the frolic of hunt−the−slipper; suffice it to say that without any apparent offence against propriety, I managed, accidentally as it were, to feel many a virgin cunny and many a plump thigh that night.

The fête concluded with a country dance amidst a general illumination and a superb display of fireworks. Supper was then served and my guests departed about twelve, much delighted with their visit.

When they were gone and Cecilia and I had retired to bed, we compared notes of our various adventures.

She, it appeared, had not been idle and, attaching herself to Daphnis and Miss Bellew, had retreated to the grotto where fucking and gamahuching occupied them for an hour. She had also much diverted herself with the innocence of a pretty little girl, nine−year−old Clara, to whom she had privately shown the ponies and, after exciting the young thing with the sight and by lascivious touches, had finally gamahuched and been gamahuched by to their mutual satisfaction.

She laughed heartily at the conquest I had made of Miss Medley’s heart and asked if I intended to go to Richmond?

I fancied there was rather more eagerness than usual in her manner, and as I knew her not to be troubled with jealousy, I could not quite understand it. But dissembling my surprise, I answered, coolly, ’Why, yes, I suppose I must go. That girl is quite a Messalina and would never forgive me if I disappointed her.’

’Is it possible,’ said Cecilia, ’her bold blue eyes meant something then?’

’Indeed they did,’ I rejoined, ’and let me tell you, she is an uncommon fine girl, and quite ripe.’

Nothing more passed, and after a little languid toying, for we were both tired out, we fell asleep.

View online : The Delights of Sex (Conclusion): To Thalia



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