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The New Epicurean

The Delights of Sex (5)

Erotic novel (chapter 5: To Euphrosyne)


All the versions of this article:

Edward Sellon, The New Epicurean or The Delights of Sex, Facetiously and Philosophically Considered, in Graphic Letters Addressed to Young Ladies of Quality, London, 1740 [1865].

To Euphrosyne

Your pretty cousin Sappho will doubtless have told you the startling news, that I am—what do you think?—married! It is true, however, and a very charming little creature my wife is, I can tell you.

Quite free from all those silly notions of propriety and jealousy, her chief delight is to make me happy, not only by giving up to me her own pretty person but by throwing in my way any chance that may occur when there is any new face that pleases me.

With this view, she proposed to me that we should adopt the two little daughters of a cousin of hers. Being poor, he had accepted a situation in the East India Company’s service, and subsequently contracted, in the East, an imprudent marriage of which these children were the fruits. Their mother being dead, he sent them home to be educated; and by a singular chance they were placed at the school of Mrs. J, who you know is a tenant of mine and occupies that house near this place which I offered to your papa some years ago.

Of course, after my marriage I presented Cecilia to my household as their mistress, no object being gained by keeping it a secret, and there is a great convenience in this since, whatever they may have thought before about the secret chamber and grounds, as my wife is now with me it silences scandal at once. Now I will go on to relate to you the acquisition this plan of my wife’s has produced.

We drove over to Mrs. J, with whom I was always a favourite; and with reason, as more than once when she was a little straitened for her rent I have sent her a receipt for the money without ever receiving it.

She is the widow of a naval officer, and though over five and thirty years of age, has the remains of considerable personal attractions.
She was at home and delighted with our visit. So we opened the object of it.

’My dear Mrs. J,’ began Lady Cecilia with the smile of a seraph, ’I have persuaded Sir Charles to allow me to adopt my poor cousin’s little girls, and I now intend to take the entire charge of these young ladies.’ Then, observing Mrs. J begin to look very thoughtful, she quickly added, ’But do not misunderstand me. I mean not to remove them from your excellent supervision; their education must of course proceed as usual. All I want is permission to break through one of your rules and ask you to let them come and pass a few days with us sometimes, instead of coming for the regular holidays.’

’I am sure,’ cried Mrs. J, whose countenance had quite cleared up during this speech, ’I shall be vastly pleased to oblige your ladyship in any way in my power. Pray arrange it just as you like.’

’And if,’ added I, ’my dear Mrs. J, you will yourself occasionally favour us with your company and bring any of your young ladies with you, we shall both, I am sure, be enchanted. You know I have some pretty grounds to which I do not admit everybody, but your name will be an “open sesame” at all times.’

’Oh, Sir Charles,’ cried the good lady with a conscious blush (which showed she knew those precincts well), ’you are too good, I am sure. But really, to tell you the truth, I was quite frightened when I saw your carriage drive up the avenue, as I remembered I am two quarters’ rent in arrears; indeed, I am afraid you find me a sorry tenant.’

’I would not change you, my dear madam, for all the best tenants in the world. But see, I anticipated your fears, well knowing the sensibility of your nature and your honourable sentiments; here is the receipt, and as for the money, pray accept it to procure any little article of jewellery you may require.’

Mrs. J glanced furtively at my wife before she replied; but seeing nothing in that sweet face but the most amiable and charming smile she said at once, ’Oh, Sir Charles! how very considerate and kind you are; always the same noble gentleman, madam,’ she continued, turning to Lady Cecilia, ’so land, so generous.’

’Then it is all settled,’ said Cecilia; ’and remember to bring some of the prettiest of your young ladies. You know Sir Charles loves a good romp with young girls, and I am not at all jealous.’

’Oh, my lady, I can see you are a sweet creature, and I am delighted Sir Charles has made such a happy choice. I will bring two or three of my girls with your dear little cousins; but will you not see them before you go?’

’Oh, yes, certainly; send for them, I beg.’

Mrs. J rang the bell, and presently appeared two of the most lovely, blooming children I had ever seen. Augusta and Agnes they were called, one nine and the other eleven years old. They had the sweetest and most innocent countenances in the world, and their manners did ample justice to Mrs. J’s training. I took one on each knee, and as I kissed their rosy cheeks I felt through both their muslin frocks that they both had nice, firm, plump little bottoms, with which I hoped ere long to be better acquainted.

Mrs. J saw the movement, and smiled archly. Then, catching Cecilia’s eye, ’A sad man! a sad rake! is he not, my lady?’

’Oh, indeed he is!’ cried Cecilia, laughing; ’and if I mistake not, you and I know all about it, n’est−ce pas?

Mrs. J blushed scarlet, but seeing that the remark was mere playful badinage and not malicious, she soon recovered her presence of mind. After a merry chat with the little girls, a tip for them of a guinea a piece, and the promise of new dolls, we took our leave.

As soon as we were in the carriage my wife gave me a tap with her fan, saying, ’Positively, Charles, you are incorrigible; I do verily believe that Mrs. J is an old flame of yours.’

’Of course she is, my love; and a deuced fine woman she was, I can assure you; a little stale now, perhaps, but a most useful person, and so prudent. Whenever she has had any orphan girls, or girls whose friends did not pay well or punctually, if they were pretty (and she will not take ugly ones), she has always brought them to me; and in this way for five guineas I have bought many a little maidenhead of her. Yet so cleverly has she managed matters that nothing unpleasant has ever arisen out of these affairs. Except, indeed, in one case which I had almost forgotten, which was rather awkward, as the fool off a guardian thought proper to take offence upon his ward complaining to him; and he came down here in a towering passion with Frank Firebrace of the Guards. He waited in the wood and sent the captain to me with a cartel.

’I was not the man to refuse such a summons, but told him he must wait till I also sent for a friend. I knew where an old chum of mine was to be found and posted off a messenger for him. On his arrival we started to the place of rendezvous, and there, on that deep dell which you admire so much, I was under the disagreeable necessity of killing the guardian of the little girl while O’Brien made an end of poor Firebrace. I was vexed with him, I remember, for this, but he quieted me with, “Don’t you see, my dear fellow, in a delicate affair like this, there is nothing like securing silence; and sure dead men tell no tales, at all, at all.” As for the girl, we smuggled her out of the country and locked her up in a convent. Egad, it was a deuced unpleasant business and made poor Mrs. J very much afraid of Bridewell, at the time.’

’Oh! dear Charles,’ said Cecilia, ’how charmingly wicked you are, and how vastly cool you seem to speak of it. You naughty man, I do believe you ravished the girl.’

’Oh, yes,’ said I, ’it was doubtless what the law called a rape.’

’And what had Mrs. J to do with it?’

’Ah, she brought the girl to me and held her down while I deflowered her. You see the girl was a little Puritan whom we had, in vain, tried to break in; but her modesty was superior to either menaces or presents. Unfortunately, she was very beautiful, and only thirteen, and the opposition made me mad for her. But do not let us speak of it any more; it was one of those contretemps which occasionally mar the uniform career of a man of pleasure.’

’Really, Charles, you quite frighten me with your coolness. But never mind, you dear man, I love you with all my heart and shall never think very harshly of your little peccadilloes.’

The following Thursday brought Mrs. J, the two young cousins, and three other young ladies about whom it will be necessary to say a few words.

Miss Marshall was a poor Irish girl from the county of Kerry, whose unnatural father, a naval officer, having placed her three years before with Mrs. J, had never paid a shilling. Upon writing to the town where she came from, Mrs. J found that her father was her only relative in the world, and looked upon her, therefore, as lawful prey.

This girl was a thorough Irish beauty, with dark blue eyes and black hair, a rather dingy skin, a pretty enough face, and a well−formed figure, though rather thin; there was something taking about her, although she looked grave and sad. She was turned twelve years old.

The next I shall describe was Miss Jennings, a merry, laughing blonde, very plump and pretty, with a profusion of light hair. She had been brought up by her grandmother, who paid very little. This girl was about eleven and ripe for a frolic.

The last of the trio, Miss Bellew, was a tall, handsome girl of fifteen, nicely made, but a little too slight if anything. She was dark and swarthy, a brunette, in fact; but there was soul in her black eyes, and withal a look of languor quite enchanting. As for the little cousins, they were chubby children.

Such being our party, and chocolate and fruit with plenty of cakes and bonbons being served on the lawn by Phoebe and Chloe, we all soon became friends. The refection concluded, and leaving Cecilia to entertain Mrs. J, I took the bevy of young girls to see the poultry yard and then the ponies. I had previously given Phoebe a hint to let the stallion into the mare’s compartment, so that when we arrived the animals were in the very act—a sight which provoked the astonishment and laughter of the little girls and made Miss Marshall look very pale and grave while the Misses Jennings and Bellew blushed up to the eyes.

’Oh, come away, come away,’ cried Miss Marshall, turning sharp round; but I stopped her.

’Why should they go away, my dear?’ I asked.

’Because, because—’ and then stopped.

’Because what?’ said I.

’Because—I think you are a naughty bad man, Sir Charles,’ sobbed the foolish girl, and burst into tears.

’Oh Bella,’ cried all the other girls in a breath, ’for shame, to speak so to Sir Charles. Never mind her, sir, she is always like that, a miserable thing to spoil fun.’

’I am sorry to hear it,’ said I. ’When I invite young ladies here I expect them to be cheerful and polite, and if they are not we have a birch rod quite handy.’

Mrs. J coming up at this moment, the girls all ran to tell her how Bella had behaved.

’In that case, Sir Charles,’ said the good lady, ’we must commence the sports by giving her a good flogging.’

Miss Marshall turned paler than she was before at this announcement. Mrs. J had a heavy hand, as she knew by dear−bought experience, but she was of a dogged and sulky disposition and said nothing.

’How now, miss,’ cried Mrs. J, ’say you are very sorry immediately or you shall be flogged at once.’

No answer.

’Will you apologise or not?’

No answer.

’Yes, yes; I see we must make you speak then. Here, my good girl,’ said she, addressing Phoebe. ’You are strong, take her up; and you, my little lasses, come, hold her legs.’

And the refractory Bella being mounted, and her clothes thrown over her head, Mrs. J selected from a new birch broom a goodly handful of twigs and, tying them with a ribband, prepared for action. We all now had a full view of her well−formed white buttocks and thighs; and the other girls, who seemed to enjoy the scene, held her legs so wide apart that we could see her pouting cunny and all the regions thereabout.

Bella, meanwhile, bounding and struggling to be free, only exposed her charms the more. ’Now,’ said Mrs. J, ’you young hussy, for whom I have never yet received a shilling, I’ll teach you manners, you wretched pauper, I will.’

And she commenced flogging her till the stubborn girl roared for mercy and her white bottom glowed again.

’No—no—no,’ cried Mrs. J, giving a tremendous cut each time she said the word, ’I will flog this devil out of you before I have done.’

’Oh, dear madam, pray forgive me. Oh—oh—oh—oh; land Sir Charles, do intercede! Oh, I shall die; oh! oh!’

But by this time I had got too much interested to interfere and quieted Cecilia with a gesture, and the operation proceeded.

Large weals rose up on her flesh, the blood started and ran down her thighs, and at length, with a prolonged shriek, she feinted.

’There,’ cried Mrs. J, drawing a long breath, ’take her away, and don’t let me see the slut till it is time to leave.’

But at the sight of the poor feinting girl I relented, and lifting her up bore her to a couch in my room; and having unfastened her dress and bathed her temples with Hungary water, I left her and returned to my company. Preparations were just being made for a game at hunt−the−slipper, and everyone being seated on the lawn I ran round the circle, every now and then feeling for the slipper under the legs of the girls.

The little screams, the shouts of laughter, and the fun was tremendous; for you may be sure that every girl in her turn felt my hand between her naked thighs.

With some it was a hasty grasp, but with others I lingered and fairly frigged, pretending all the while that I was sure they had the slipper. To see the little Agnes and Augusta laugh at being so tickled was delightful; and the conscious blushes of the Misses Jennings and Bellew were equally enchanting. As for Miss Bellew, her languishing black eyes shot forth scintillations of light as she fairly spent in my hand; but the little Jennings was less precocious and merely laughed at the fun.

Altogether it was a most fucktious romp, and made me so amorous that I at length proposed a game of hide−and−seek for a change, and unperceived beckoned to Cecilia; we both ran to hide.

Having retired into a deep cluster of trees and shrubs, I put my little wife on her knees and was into her in a moment, at the same time calling out ’whoop’. Into the wood they all came shouting and laughing, but could not for a long time find us; at length Agnes and Augusta taking an opposite vista to their companions, came suddenly upon us just as my climax came. I immediately drew out, and thus gave them a complete view of that red headed staff, at the sight of which, and of their cousin’s ivory posteriors shining in the sun, they stopped, turned round, and bounded off to their companions, crying out:

’Oh! Miss Jennings, oh Miss Bellew, here’s Sir Charles doing to cousin Cecilia just what the horse did to the mare!’

Then we heard a whispering; and presently I became aware, by the rustling of the branches, that the girls were placing themselves in ambush to see all they could.

The idea of such beauteous spectators brought me up to the mark again in a moment, and at it we went in good style. Every now and then a little eager face would peep out from among the leaves and then be withdrawn in great trepidation, which caused such a thrill to run through my veins that I brought that second embrace to a conclusion much sooner than I had a mind to.

No sooner did they see that I was beginning to button up again but they scampered off in different directions, pretending to be looking for us. Meanwhile, we shifted our quarters and again cried out ’whoop’.

This time they ran up to catch us, pretending, the little sly pussies, that they had had such a hunt for us. It being now Miss Bellew’s turn to hide, we all remained on the lawn while she ran into the wood. It now occurred to me for the first time that Mrs. J and Phoebe had disappeared, nor could I anywhere see Chloe.

So when Miss Bellew’s ’whoop’ summoned us to the wood, instead of looking for her I hunted in every direction for the truants and, at length, at some distance from the spot where the game was going on, I fancied I saw a bit of blue silk between the trees; bending my steps to a thick clump of hazel, I approached softly, and lo! on a little patch of mossy turf, in a hollow space, I espied the excellent Mrs. J doing a little bit of tribadism with Phoebe. They were at the height of enjoyment, Phoebe uppermost.

’Ah, ah, my sweet girl,’ Mrs. J was sighing out. ’That is it. Ah, ah, now you’ve found the right place, at the—top. Oh, bliss; ah−oh. Ur−r−r! Oh, how nice; continue to roll your tongue round and round.’
Then slapping the beautiful great white bottom of Phoebe, which was presented to her, she continued, ’Oh, what heavenly charms, what a skin! what glorious white globes! what a delicious little nether mouth, let me kiss your sweet cunny; let me thrust my tongue in and taste your spendings. Ah, this is bliss indeed. Ur−r−r−r!’

Then Phoebe began.

’Ah, dear madam, what are you doing? oh lud, it do make me feel so funny loike. Oh, my, ain’t it nice though? Oh—’

A gush of spending from Mrs. J stopped her mouth, while the movements became furious. Phoebe rolled off on to the grass and the two women lay without sense or motion beyond the heaving of their breasts. I was much amused and retreated without being discovered.

I now thought of Chloe, and wanting my snuffbox which I had left indoors, I went to get it; the first thing that met my eyes was the little girl trying to console the naughty Miss Marshall, who was lying on her side on a couch, with her face to the wall, while the good−natured Chloe was bathing the poor flayed bum of the young lady.

I approached softly, and with my finger on my lip motioned to Chloe to take no notice, and seated myself about a yard from them.

As Miss Marshall’s clothes were turned up above her waist, I was able to contemplate at my ease the symmetrical proportions of her sylph−like form.

The fine contour of her virgin rose and the little rosebud attached thereto, all was before me.

Presently she spoke. ’How kind you are to me, dearest Chloe,’ she said, languidly. ’I begin to feel in less pain now, but what is very singular is that I, who never had any sensations in that part before, now feel a most singular itching between the legs—in the slit, you know.’

’Just here?’ cried Chloe, laughing and putting her finger in.

’Oh, yes, yes. Ah, how nice it feels now you touch it. Oh, I feel so ashamed,’ and she covered her face with her hand.

Chloe withdrew her hand.

’I did not mean to offend you,’ she said.

’Offend me; oh, no. Let me feel that dear little finger again.’

I approached on my hands and knees and quickly substituted my finger for Chloe’s.

’Oh, my dear girl,’ she cried, ’oh, how very nice, but I feel quite ashamed.’ Then, as I touched her clitoris, a shiver ran through her frame. She threw herself over on her back, expanded her thighs, and, with her eyes still closed, murmured, ’Come, come here, darling girl, on my bosom, on my bosom.’

I placed Chloe there in a moment, and then tossing up the little girl’s clothes, I began toying with her lovely buttocks. Then, kneeling up behind her, I directed my fiery steed strait at Miss Marshall’s maidenhead.

The first push took me in about an inch, but, with a shriek and a start, the Irish girl opened her eyes, commencing with, ’Oh, my dear Chloe, how you hurt me, I—’

Then seeing me she turned pale with terror and struggled to get up.

’Oh, for heaven’s sake, let me get up—oh, goodness! Mercy! mercy!’

These ejaculations followed every thrust, for I would not let go but made Chloe lie with all her weight on the little Marshall until I was at length fairly into her body. Then, indeed, I rolled Chloe on one side and extending myself on the bosom of the girl and grasping her tightly in my arms I consummated the defloration.

At first terrified, then angry, she finished by hugging her ravisher in her arms and covering him with kisses.

All this, which has taken so long to tell, happened in an incredibly short space of time, so that I was hardly missed ere I reappeared among my young friends. Mrs. J and Phoebe now joined us, looking very innocent, and I having interceded for Miss Marshall, she and Chloe were sent for and joined in the sports. I had quite tamed the angry petulant girl and she occasionally glanced at me with a look full of meaning and of indefinable tenderness. Her passions were aroused and she had tasted of the tree of knowledge.

It being now eight o’clock, supper was served up to us with a profusion of all the delicacies of the season and the choicest wines and liqueurs. After this we had a dance and a game at blind−man’s−buff, and then my guests took their departure, Mrs. J declaring that she had never enjoyed herself more! (Glancing at Phoebe.)

’Well then,’ said I, ’suppose you all come again next Thursday?’

’Oh, I shall be enchanted, I am sure, to do so, Sir Charles,’ said Mrs. J, ’but I suppose you will not want to see Miss Marshall any more?’

’On the contrary,’ I remarked, ’she has quite made the amende honorable, and we are now very good friends. Is it not so, young lady?’ I added, turning to her.

A burning blush suffused her pale face, but she managed to stammer out, ’Oh, yes, Madame, I am sure Sir Charles is most kind. I am very sorry I behaved as I did, but if you will let me come next time I promise never so to offend again, even if there are fifty horses and mares instead of one.’

With that I kissed them all round, and handing them into my coach bid them good−night.

Adieu, dear friend.

View online : The Delights of Sex (chapter 6): To Laïs (2)

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