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The New Epicurean

The Delights of Sex (4)

Erotic novel (chapter 4: To Julia)


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Edward Sellon, The New Epicurean or The Delights of Sex, Facetiously and Philosophically Considered, in Graphic Letters Addressed to Young Ladies of Quality, London, 1740 [1865].

To Julia

Your letter, giving me an account of your adventure with the Marquis at Ranelagh Gardens, diverted me vastly. Meantime, I have not been idle.

Since you were last here, I have colonised one corner of my grounds. A discreet old creature called Jukes has been placed in charge of that pretty cottage covered with roses and jasmine which you admired so much; and in the dairy she is assisted by the freshest and most charming of country girls. Positively you must come and pay me a visit, if only for the pleasure you will experience in the sight of Phoebe’s perfections; but this is a digression and I know you hate digressions; therefore to proceed.

Phoebe and I, you must know, quite understand each other, but she is so pretty, brisk, loving and lively, and time, place and opportunity so frequently presented themselves, that I nearly killed myself with luscious fatigue and, having fucked her in every imaginable attitude, having gamahuched her and been gamahuched in return, I at length felt it begin to cloy and looked about for some new stimulant; but alas, Madame R did not call; I saw nothing of Mrs. H. To write to them was not in accordance with my usual prudence. What was to be done? I was in despair. At this juncture, that dear old Jukes came to my aid, though very innocently, as I believe. With many curtseys and ’Hope your honour’s worship won’t be offended at my making so bold,’ etc., she told me that she would be greatly beholden if I would allow her to have a little orphan grandchild of hers to live with her and Phoebe in the cottage.

She told me that her little girl was a sweet pretty creature, ten years of age, and as she knew that I liked to amuse myself with children sometimes, poor innocent soul, she thought I might like to have her.

I at once consented, and in a few days arrived one of the sweetest flowers that ever blushed unseen in the woods of Hampshire. I was charmed, and lost no time in providing suitable clothes for the little pet, and, with the aid of Phoebe, her frocks were so contrived that they only reached her knees. This, you will readily understand, was for the purpose of giving me facilities for seeing her young beauties without doing anything that might alarm her young innocence. We soon became great friends, and she took at once to Phoebe, the swing, the goldfish, strawberries and cream, the rambles in the woods and, above all, her handsome new clothes; all combined to render little Chloe as happy as a princess; while her old granddam would follow her about exclaiming, ’Lawk a mercy! well I never!’ and so on.

In the course of a few days, our young rustic had quite rubbed off her first shyness and would run in and out of my room, sit on my knee, hide my snuff box, kiss me of her own accord and play all sorts of innocent tricks, like other children, in swinging, climbing up trees and tumbling about on the grass; the little puss not merely showing her legs but everything else besides.

At first Mrs. Jukes tried to stop it, and told her it was rude to behave so before the gentleman, but I begged she would take no notice in future as I did not mind it and liked to see the little girl unrestrained and happy.

Now old Jukes always went to bed at sunset; I therefore arranged with Phoebe that after the old crone was gone to rest she should wash Chloe all over every night before putting her to bed; and that it might be done properly, I used to go and witness the operation, for it gave me a pleasurable sensation to see the child naked when Phoebe was present.

Phoebe was a clever girl and did not require much telling, so that none of the most secret charms of my little Venus were concealed from my lascivious gaze.

At one moment Phoebe would lay Chloe across her lap, giving me a full view of her little dimpled bum, holding open those white globes and exposing everything beneath. Then she would lay the girl on her back and spread out her thighs, as if to dry them with the towel. In fact, she put her into almost every wanton attitude into which she had seen me place myself. The little innocent girl, meanwhile, seemed to think this washing process capital fun, and would run and skip naked about the room in the exuberance of her animal spirits.

In this amusement I found all the excitement I desired, and should perhaps have been content with viewing her beauties without attacking her innocence but for a circumstance that occurred.

One evening, after the usual performance of washing, skipping about, etc., the little saucebox came and jumped on my knees, putting a leg on either side of them, and began courting a romp. Had I been a saint, whereas you know I am but a sinner, I could not have resisted such an attack on my virtue as this.

Only imagine, my dear Julia, this graceful lovely creature in all the bloom of early girlhood, stark naked except her stockings, her beautiful brown hair flowing over her exquisite shoulders; imagine her position, and how near she had placed herself to the fire and then, say, can you blame me?

In fine, I slid my hand down and released that poor stiff prisoner, who for the last half hour had nearly burst open his prison; as a natural consequence he slid along between her thighs and his crested head appeared (as I could see by the reflection in an old mirror) impudently snowing his face, between her buttocks on the rear side. She would perhaps have noticed it, were it not that my finger had long been busy in her little slit already, ’tickling’ as she called it, and she was laughing heartily and tickling me under the arms in return.

Suddenly, as if a thought struck her, she said, ’Do you know that—’

She paused. Never did man wait with more exemplary patience.

’That−that−’ Another pause. ’That I saw−’ Pause again. ’The cock−’ Here Phoebe tried to stop her, but she squeezed her interrupter’s two cheeks so that she could not speak and hurriedly concluded, ’Making chickens—there.’

This was too much for my gravity, and I was convulsed with laughter; when I had a little recovered, I asked, ’And how does the cock do that, my dear?’

’Why,’ said Chloe, with the most artless manner in the world, ’he tickles the hen, and when she lays eggs they come to chickens.’

’Tickles her! I do not understand,’ said I.

’But he does,’ insisted the little girl. ’But the cock has no fingers; how can he tickle?’

’Why,’ cried Chloe triumphantly, ’he has got a finger, and a long one too, and I saw it shoot from under his tail when he was treading the hen, and he tickled her, just as you are tickling me now, but putting it right into her body. Now, am I not right in saying the cock makes chickens by tickling the hen?’

“Well reasoned, my little logician,’ cried I, really pleased with her wit. ’I see, though you have lived in the country, you are no fool, and I will tell you something which little girls are always very curious about but which their mothers and grannies will never tell them anything of. But first tell me why you thought the cock tickling the hen made the chickens.’

’Why, because Phoebe told me, to be sure.’

’Oh, ho!’ said I, laughing. ’You told her, Phoebe, did you?’

Poor Phoebe looked frightened out of her wits.

’I hope you will forgive me, sir, but Chloe did worrit so and keep all on about that ere beast of a cock, that at last I up and told her.’

’God bless you, my dear girl. What if you did? There is no harm in that, I hope. There can never be anything wrong in what is natural.’

Then turning to Chloe, whose little cunny I had not let go of all this while, ’Would you like to know, my dear, where the babies come from and how they are made?’

’Oh, yes; that I just should,’ exclaimed Chloe, hugging and kissing me.

’Very well; now you know, I suppose, that you are not made exactly like a little boy, do you not?’

’Yes, I know that. Down here, you mean,’ and she pointed to where my finger was still tickling.

’Just so. But did you ever, by chance, happen to see a man?’


’And you would like to?’

’Of all things.’

’There then!’ cried I, lifting her up and allowing the rampant yard to spring up against my belly.

’Oh, the funny thing!’ said Chloe; then taking hold of it, ’How hot it is. That is what I have felt against my bottom these last ten minutes and could not think what it was; but what has that to do with making babies?’

’I will show you,’ said I, ’but I cannot promise you that I shall make one, as I am too old for that, but it is by doing what I am going to do to Phoebe that children are begotten.’

’Oh, I see!’ cried the little girl, clapping her hands, ’you are going to serve Phoebe as I saw the stallion serve the mare today. That will be capital fun.’

’Serve the mare,’ I ejaculated, glancing over my shoulder at Phoebe. ’How’s this?’

’Well, the truth is, sir,’ said the self−conscious girl, ’ever since your honour showed me that trick I have often gone to see them do it, and I was watching them today when this little scapegrace came running into the stable. So I was obliged to tell her all about it, as I did about the chickens.’

’Well,’ said I, ’if she has seen that, I see no harm in her seeing the other; so pull up your clothes, my dearest creature.’

In a moment Phoebe had tucked up her petticoats and, kneeling on the truckle bed and jutting her white posteriors well out, presented a full view of all her charms. ’Oh, my,’ cried Chloe, ’why Phoebe, you have got hair growing on your—’

She stopped, and with a charming blush, hid her face in my bosom.

’And so will you have, my little maid,’ I whispered, ’when you are as old as she is; but now observe what I am going to do, and mind you tickle me underneath all the while.’ This she did in the most delightful manner, occasionally laughing to see Phoebe wriggling about. As soon as all was over, I sent Phoebe to my room for some refreshments and wine, and while she was gone I gamahuched the lovely little Chloe, which operation, coming as it did after all the frigging she had undergone, roused at once her dormant passions into precocious energy. With eagerness she seized my again erect wand, and putting it into her little mouth, worked it up and down so that, just as Phoebe returned, I sent a spurting shower over her tongue while her virgin dew drenched my own.

’Oh, my! how salty it is,’ sputtered the little girl, spitting and making a wry face. ’And is it that stuff, sir, that makes the babies?’

’One drop of it, my dear, is sufficient to make a little girl as pretty as you.’

’Or a little boy?’

’Yes, or a little boy.’

After supper, Chloe, who said she was not at all sleepy, wanted Phoebe and me to perform again, but I told her that was quite enough for one night and that she was on no account to say anything of what she had seen to her granddam.

Now I think, my dear Julia, you will say I have related a most interesting adventure; but really, I wish you would come and stay a few days and share in our sports. I shall confidently expect to see you before long.

View online : The Delights of Sex (chapter 5): To Euphrosyne

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