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The New Epicurean

The Delights of Sex (8)

Erotic novel (chapter 8: To Helen)


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Edward Sellon, The New Epicurean or The Delights of Sex, Facetiously and Philosophically Considered, in Graphic Letters Addressed to Young Ladies of Quality, London, 1740 [1865].

To Helen

What an age it seems, beloved Helen, since I last saw your sylph−like form enlivening these shades. The very trees seem to droop in your absence. Cannot you come and pass a few days with us? When I think of the austere, cold−hearted man they have married you to, I feel oppressed with a sadness which no delights can dispel. Come then, my lovely Helen, and rejoice me with a view of your charms once more.

You ask me for news of our doings here; and though I have always some new adventure to relate, I should do so with more pleasure could I but identify you with this paradise.

Cecilia and I diversify our amusements. To this end she has the most cavalier servant in the world, and I two sweet girls who are entirely at my disposal.

I wish you could see Phoebe and Chloe, for you would scarcely find anywhere more lovely creatures.

Then there are my wife’s little cousins, Augusta and Agnes, who come from school sometimes, and who I have initiated in all the mysteries of Venus.

Yesterday we had a garden party attended by Mrs. J and three of her pupils, Mesdames Bellew, Marshall and Jennings, besides the cousins.

The sports consisted of swinging, blind−man’s−buff, hunt−the−slipper, hide−and−seek, and concluded with a bath in the lake and supper on the lawn.

My new swing was hailed with acclamations by the young ladies, who with Chloe and Phoebe, not forgetting Lady Cecilia, were speedily seated therein. This filled up every seat, which relieved Mrs. J, poor woman, as she had no desire, she said, to make an exhibition of herself at her age. And entre nous, she is a little passe, and has, besides, such a tremendous black bearskin in a certain quarter that the sight of so grim an affair would have spoiled the view. As for our little Daphnis (that is his nom d’amour, you know, otherwise he rejoices in the vulgar epithet of ’Jack’), he was in raptures and ran along the line of beauty trying to see all he could. Then, oh, the laughter, the little screams, the coquettish attempts to prevent him seeing their charms, and the badinage and saucy jokes that were bandied about, made up a scene which quite beggars description. Then as soon as the swing began to move and swung high in the air, the fun grew fast and furious and the sight was not only exciting but also most singular; for as I sat underneath, as they swung over my head, I could not see anything but bottoms, thighs, legs, and pretty little feet, all of a row. Occasionally, to obtain a firmer seat, one of them would give a wriggle or twist, which showed me some new charm—a nymphoe or clitoris would pop out—and with each movement I discovered new beauties. When they were tired of this fun, we played blind−man’s−buff, I of course being blind man. The little pussies were pretty rough in their play, pushing me about at their pleasure and taking all manner of liberties; but no sooner had I caught one of them but I took my revenge, putting my hand up her clothes without ceremony. Feeling a luscious, pouting little cunny, on which a soft down was beginning to sprout, I at once recognised it and cried out, ’Ah! I know you, it is Miss Bellew.’

’Right, right!’ shouted the merry voices, and pulling off the handkerchief I at once made her pay toll before them all. You will observe we went far beyond kissing here. In fact, tossing up the young lady’s petticoats, I pushed her gently on her hands and knees, and having long been primed was into her in a moment. As for the others, with many a gay repartee, they seated themselves in a circle and watched the performance.

Poor Miss Bellew, as you may suppose (though nothing loth to the thing itself), would have preferred a more private place. But seeing there was no escape, she submitted with a good grace. Indeed, she need not have distressed herself, for her companions, stimulated by what they saw, were soon so fully occupied themselves as to pay little attention to us. Cecilia led Daphnis into a little grove, sacred to Priapus; Phoebe and Mrs. J disappeared down an avenue; Augusta and Chloe became little tribades for the time; while the others were all frigging away right and left.

Sure the Isle of Capri in the days of Tiberius could have shown no more voluptuous scenes than those which startled the very birds in the trees from their propriety.

But, alas! this is but a terrestrial Elysium, and we soon found that we were neither gods nor goddesses. Half an hour satisfied all our desires for that bout, and all were soon seated for a game of hunt−the−slipper, which passed off with the usual pleasantries of frigging and feeling, in which I allowed Daphnis to share, and the young wag set us all in a roar by insisting that as he could not find the slipper he was sure Mrs. J had put it up her cunt, and in spite of all her protestations he would feel for himself, which I have no doubt that cunning and salacious dame relished most heartily. You must know, my love, that Mrs. J is still a fine woman. Ten or twelve years ago, she often had me panting on her bosom. Phew! those days are gone by; I require more juvenile stuff to give me a stiffener now.

Then came the romping game of hide−and−seek, which produced great fun. But by far the most recherche scene of all was the bath. You know that lovely lake, my Helen; for ’twas in its crystal water we first enjoyed love’s blisses together.

In a few minutes we were all undressed and sportively splashing each other, swimming, kissing, tickling, fucking. Oh, ye gods, what a scene it was. Such perfect abandon I do verily believe was never witnessed, even at the Dionysian festivals of ancient Greece. But one thing was wanting to make us mad as the satyrs and bacchantes of those times. And that one thing I resolved to have—wine. I despatched Phoebe and Daphnis for a dozen of Burgundy. The cup circulated; we all became intoxicated; we performed prodigies of lust, gamahuched, and did everything that the most wanton imagination can conceive; so that coming at length out of the lake, in which some of the girls were near to being drowned, none of the party save Cecilia, Mrs. J, and myself could dress ourselves. Calling in the aid then of old Mrs. Jukes, we first put Phoebe, Chloe and Daphnis to bed. Then, huddling on the clothes of the other young ladies, we got them, as best we might, to the coach and sent them home at seven o’clock that summer’s evening, as completely drunk as ever was a lady of pleasure in Covent Garden.

As for Cecilia and myself, we partook of a light supper, went to bed, and were soon in the arms of Morpheus.

View online : The Delights of Sex (chapter 9): To Livia

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